Bad Ideas

A couple of days ago, I wrote that using a vacuum to suck up spaghetti vomit was the worst idea I had ever heard. (Sorry Terri).

On reflection, this is clearly a lie. There have been far worse ideas than that. Here are some that I thought of while walking my dog last night.

Pickett's Charge

This was the climax of the Battle of Gettysburg. By the 3rd day of fighting it was clear to all that the Confederates had lost and that any further fighting would just lead to pointless death. So did Lee pack up and go home? Nah, he got together those units that were still capable of fighting and sent them forward against the strongest part of the enemy line, which consisted of rows of cannons and men who seem to have had between 3 and 6 rifles each! The attackers died heroic but pointless deaths.

Pop Tarts

These little parcels of jam are a really bad idea. Eaten cold they are totally tasteless, eaten hot they are like eating a mouthful of napalm, guaranteed to strip off several layers of skin. Ouch!

Fusion Cooking

My personal theory is that this was dreamed up by a chef who had run out of things to make a real meal.

"Hm, I have got the ingredients for a load of stir-fries but no chinese seasoning of any sort. Yay, let's chuck in a load of Basil and Oregano. It will taste disgusting but no-one will throw up until after they have paid the bill! Kerching!"

Building Houses on flood plains

Despite increasing instances of heavy rain causing rivers to burst their banks and flood the surrounding areas, we are continuing to build new houses on river flood plains. Streets with names such as The Water Meadows or River View sound very quaint, but clearly the buyers do not seem to stop and wonder why they are called these names!

The London Olympics in 2012

When we won the race to hold the 2012 Olympics it was announced with great pride. Our bid put the cost at £2.5billion which would be paid for out of lottery funds and private investment. The cost has now risen to £10billion without a brick having been laid and the extra cost is going to be paid by the tax payer. Whoopee. The sad thing is that most of us are convinced that the whole thing will be a total shambles. The British are totally incapable of building anything on time. The rebuilding of Wembly soccer stadium ran over by a matter of YEARS and that makes the Olympic project look like a small DIY job. I can see events being farmed out to Wales, Scotland and, dare I say it, France! Still, at least London will get the fancy firework display!

So you see, vaccuming up spaghetti vomit was a comparatively GOOD idea!