God: After careful thought I have decided that Christians around the world need a day when they can focus on the true meanings of Christianity, a time for love, peace and hope for the future. I will call it CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Satan: Hm, don't like the sound of that too much. I need something really BAD that will take their minds off of it all. I have got it, this is great, probably my best one ever! I will create CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!!!!!!
In revenge, God seems to have more or less corrupted Halloween - gone are the nights of witchcraft and talking to the dead and in comes dressing up as rabbits, Wonderwoman and monkeys :-) This is, of course, all good fun but far from the night's origins don't you think?
So, next year I think we should return to the true meaning of Halloween. The evening could run something like this:
- Dress up in suitable witch and devil costumes.
- Gather with friends in a dark, damp cellar or disused church.
- Commune with the dead using Ouija boards etc, possibly becoming possessed by an evil spirit or two.
- Sacrifice a goat and drink its blood.
- Move on to nearby graveyard and dance around it anti-clockwise, reciting The Lord's Prayer backwards.
- Have an orgy in the graveyard.
- Go home for drinks and nibbles.
What do you think? If Satan gets Halloween back, maybe God can have Christmas back!
(PS you might have noticed that this is not totally serious...)