Friday, November 02, 2007

The True Meaning of...

There has been a lot of talk over recent years about the increasing commercialisation of Christmas. It is all about the presents and parties, and not about the true intent of the festival. There is an easy explanation for this:

God: After careful thought I have decided that Christians around the world need a day when they can focus on the true meanings of Christianity, a time for love, peace and hope for the future. I will call it CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Satan: Hm, don't like the sound of that too much. I need something really BAD that will take their minds off of it all. I have got it, this is great, probably my best one ever! I will create CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!!!!!!

In revenge, God seems to have more or less corrupted Halloween - gone are the nights of witchcraft and talking to the dead and in comes dressing up as rabbits, Wonderwoman and monkeys :-) This is, of course, all good fun but far from the night's origins don't you think?

So, next year I think we should return to the true meaning of Halloween. The evening could run something like this:
  • Dress up in suitable witch and devil costumes.
  • Gather with friends in a dark, damp cellar or disused church.
  • Commune with the dead using Ouija boards etc, possibly becoming possessed by an evil spirit or two.
  • Sacrifice a goat and drink its blood.
  • Move on to nearby graveyard and dance around it anti-clockwise, reciting The Lord's Prayer backwards.
  • Have an orgy in the graveyard.
  • Go home for drinks and nibbles.

What do you think? If Satan gets Halloween back, maybe God can have Christmas back!

(PS you might have noticed that this is not totally serious...)

8 comments:

Ali said...

Aside from sacrificing the goat and drinking its blood, I am totally in.

krista said...

Are you saying that Wonder Woman isn't an appropriate costume for Halloween?! Even with the demon by her side?! Hmmfff.

I'll have to post some of my other costumes for you! Maybe they'll satisfy the devil!

And what IS up with your cheekiness this week?! Orgy in the graveyard! Keep it up John! I like it! It makes me laugh everytime. Oh, by the way the carpet is now official. Wink, wink.

Rock Chef said...

Ali - Yeah, I think that bit might be optional.

Krista - Oh I am sure you have other costumes that would be good for the occasion. Cheekiness? I have no idea what you are talking about, but I am happy about the carpet!

Terri said...

Soooo FUNNY! But seriously... what DORK would dress as a monkey for Hallween? Sheesh!

Jen said...

I just saw my first Christmas commercial. It's November 3rd. A Christmas commercial! From AFLAC. And, it was awful - dreadful even.

I'm okay with Christmas after Thanksgiving (here in the USA), but before then . . . no. Just no.

mindy said...

Having orgies in graveyards isn't just for Halloween anymore! Didn't you get the memo?

mr zig said...

hehe - great post :)

Rock Chef said...

Terri - a prize winning Dork!?!

Jen - I now have Christmas decorations on my desk - bought them yesterday, the shop had tons...

Mindy - Hm, wonder if we need bumper stickers - "A dog is not just for Christmas and an orgy is not just for Halloween".

Zig - glad you liked it!