Thursday, November 22, 2007


Recently I have kept thinking back to when my wife and I were first together. My wife had been married already and was undergoing infertility treatment, but the basic message from the experts was "forget it, you will never have children". Here are a few of my strongest memories from this time.

It seemed that everyone else was able to pop out babies at will. "We are thinking of having another baby - ooh look, I'm pregnant". [Plop] "Ah, it's a boy!"

It seemed that the vast majority of parents wished they did not have their kids. We would be bursting with rage - why have them if all you are going to do is shout at them and beat them while you are doing the shopping? We only wanted one and these people seemed to have about 10 each that they did not want!

There were times when we had to stop ourselves stealing babies! I remember going past a shop with a screaming baby in a pram outside and no one in sight looking after it. I know that stealing children is a terrible thing to do, but we were THAT close, believe me!

Oh, and the tests! My wife went through all sorts of horrible tests as they tried to find out what was wrong. It was awful. Meanwhile, there was only one test that I could do and that wasn't too bad, just terribly embarassing! Once they asked for a sample that was less than 15 minutes old and I live an hour away from the hospital... Eeeeeeeeewwwwww!

The worst thing was the way the clinics were arranged at the hospital. We would be sitting in the waiting room, usually for over an hour because the doctors were always running late. In the SAME waiting room would be the families with multiple births - hordes of twins and triplets! It felt like they were all sitting there shouting "In your face! We got 3 in one go!"

Well, somehow we managed to produce 4 kids, much to the dismay of the doctors who still maintained that it was not possible! I think it was a combination of luck, prayer and good old fashioned HARD WORK ;-)


david mcmahon said...

G'day from Australia,

We have a friend who was really stressing in a similar situation, some years ago. It was a major issue and she was told she would never have children.

She has two lovely teenagers now ....

Ali said...

I love you soooo get it.

kenady said...

I am so lucky to be one of those people who could just think about having a baby and then be pregnant. The difference is that I adore my babies and am so extremely thankful that I was able to "pop" them out:) I feel for those who have a harder time of it, though. And all I can say is that I believe God has a plan for all of us, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know He has a plan. I'm glad you and your wife were able to have 4 beautiful babies and as Ali says, you really do get it:)

Chris said...

We can relate, and I can also relate to your "tests".

I remember it was winter time, so I had to pack my "samples" in the inside pocket of my jacket...

Thank God I never got pulled over by the police for speeding.

"Let me look in your jacket sir."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why, are you hiding drugs?"

"Uh, not me, just don't look..."

Kiki said...

Oh Rock Chef, I feel like you do get it...after the new year the tests begin for Ken and I. We get serious about this, and even though I wanted it to be effortless, it can't be. I could just cry...its like you see my heart and know how much I need to hear that is possble. Some days the unfairness (ie. Britney Spears can have two kids, but not me??? Really God, that's the plan?) of it all gets to me, but then I read your story and I know that there is hope. That's the one thing I won't let go of. Hope! So thank you for your post, I'm sure you didn't expect all this, so I'll end it now before I become a blubbering mess. 'night.

Um Naief said...

i think it also gets down to not worrying about it. seems when you constantly want it and worry about not having it, then it doesn't happen. sometimes when you let go and give up the worry, it happens.

not sure if that's what happened w/ you guys, but am glad that it all worked out.

can't imagine a parent leaving their child in a stroller and not looking after it. reminds me of all the ppl that leave their kids in cars in the burning heat, only to come out and the child is dead!

do a lot of ppl beat their kids in the UK? it's against the law in the states now. here in bahrain it's common practice.

when i first came here, i started teaching and i had many a parent tell me to beat their kid if they got outta hand! i could hardly believe it.

Rock Chef said...

David - G'day! Thanks for stopping by! Glad to hear your friends got beat the odds too. It does become a major issue, completely taking over your life.

Ali - I know you have been there, and I go all funny when I think about little Butterbean. Love you too.

Kenady - I promise not to hold your fertility against you, especially as you clearly do adore your lovely kids.

Chris - That is funny! Just think what they could have done with that in the "Naked Gun" movies!

Kiki - The very best of luck with it all next year. It is not easy, it is a rollercoaster, emotionally draining, but you must see it through, there is lots of hope, David's friends, and Chris and Ali are additional proof of that!

Um Naief - Our first arrived when we had given up hope. We had started saving for a trip up the Nile. We never got there and the money got spent of baby things instead. Beating your own kids is still perfectly legal so long as it does not cause a bruise (I think that was the lastest change), though increasingly frowned upon. Hitting someone else's kids will land you in court, of course! You still commonly see people dragging screaming kids around supermarkets, slapping them to stop then crying - don't ask how that is supposed to work!

Terri said...

I'm so glad everything worked out for you as you and your wife are obviously wonderful and loving parents.

Valley Girl said...

Glad everything turned out o.k. My mom and dad went through the same thing. They finally popped me out in their thirties. =)

Logziella said...

A little "HARD WORK" never hurt anybody! LOL!

So glad you got your 4 "impossibles"...I have 3 "impossibles" but for different reasons.

Also glad you posted this...I think it's so encouraging to those who are in the midst of their own battle with infertility right now to hear success stories to keep that hope going!

mr zig said...

I totally get that - My wife and I had similar thoughts and similar rage...

Jen said...

I don't have many words of wisdom here seeing as I have never tried to have kids; not that we're not having fun practicing that "hard work"! But I've had many a friend in the same circumstance as infertility. It breaks my heart to see them struggle for a dream they so want. A dream you would think would be "easy," but is definitely not to everyone.

I'm glad to hear that you were successful times 4!

amazingbrenda said...

I'm glad you have posted this, it is really enouraging. I have to of my own & I love them. It took us 3 yrs but it finally happened.

I agree, it took prayer & believeing that made it happen & the "good old fashion method" haha!

R.E.H. said...

Oh, thank you! You just reminded me that HARD WORK can actually be a GOOD THING! :)

Nice blog you got here.

Rock Chef said...

Terri - Thanks, we try!

Valley Girl - I am sure you were well worth the wait.

Logzie - Yes, I know you weren't supposed to have had kids Some people just won't do as they are told, will they? :-)

Zig - I had no idea that you had been through this too! Congrats again, then!

Jen - One thing that always bugged my wife was that she was constantly warned to "be careful" as it was so easy to get pregnant. Not for everyone, as you say!

AmazingBrenda - 3 years seems like such a long time, too!

r.e.h. - Good to see you! Yeah, it was not all bad ;-)

Jahooni said...

I am in the same boat. After having my daughter 7 years ago and trying for over 2 years and nothing... I went to a Fertility "Specialist" and was told that I will not be able to conceive natually.

It frustrates me that some people just think of sex and wham they are pregnant!!!

But Hard Work ;-) hopefully will pay off one of these days. I also agree with my sister, Um Naeif, that if you stop "thinking" about it then it might happen!

Rock Chef said...

Jahooni - The very best of luck! We had a big gap between our first and second kids, giving the added frustration of "we did it once, why not again!"

All - I thought that this would produce some interesting responses, but I have been totally amazed! My hopes and prayers go out to those who are still trying, and remember you are by no means alone!