Tuesday, January 30, 2007

What happens next?

Today I want to tell you about a dream I had.

It was shortly after we lost our daughter. I was hanging on, but could feel my strength slowly ebbing and was not sure how much longer I could go on. Then I had the dream. It was the most real dream I have ever had, complete with touch and smell.

I was walking along but cannot remember where it was - I can only remember feeling that it was a wonderful place. Then I saw my daughter. She walked towards me and said "Look at this place, isn't it great?"

We hugged.

Then we were not alone. We were joined by a couple of old friends of mine who had also died too young, and some dogs that I had owned when I was younger. I hugged my friends, patted the dogs (I can still feel their fur) and then woke up.

Now I am not claiming that what I saw was real. Part of me says it was a desperate ploy by my brain to stop me going over the edge. Whatever it was, it marked a turning point for me, put me back on track so that I could continue, to help the rest of the family through.

I hope it was real, though. One day I hope to return.


Logziella said...

Thanks for sharing that John. To me, that sounds like Heaven.

My heart breaks for your family...honestly, it does.

Each time you mention your daughter that you lost, it makes me think about loosing one of my children and it puts things into prospective for me. Sometimes I complain about my children but when I think of what you had to deal with and how you would trade any of that just to have her back, it makes me stop thinking that way and just treasure them.

Terri said...

This is the first time I've seen your blog and I just read your latest post. I am smiling, with tears in my eyes. That sounds like a beautiful experience, something that your daughter or Someone else knew that you needed. Thank you for sharing it.

Ali said...

Oh John, my heart aches for you - I have no idea how hard it was for you, but I do know that no one should ever go through the pain of losing a child.

Your dream is as real as if your daughter was standing right in front of you. Maybe that was her way of letting you know that she was okay, and telling you that you would be okay to. If it marked a turning point for you, then it did exactly as if was supposed to.

I hope you have many more dreams like that one, and that you wake up a little happier each day.

John said...

Thanks for that guys. I have not told many about that dream, but it just came out when I sat down to blog yesterday. Since the dream I have generally been on an upward curve, with good days and bad days of course. The main thing is that it allowed me to keep going for the other kids and my wife.